Miss Independent.

I always believed that love is something we learn as we get older and as we make more mistakes in our life. I always believed that love was stupid and made up and never ended the way you wanted it to. I always believed that the only good ends of love were in movies and fairy tales. I always believed that love…would never find me. But it did…i’ll just never have the day to embrace that love, at least not now and at this age. I believe that one day he will come and find me again. And we’ll recollect all the times we had with each other and have a family and become something more that we can’t become now. But that’s all in my head, and in my dreams, and might not happen period. But do you want to know how I know i’m in love? because he is nothing like the guy you would expect….he’s better. He isn’t “hot” or “sexy”, he isn’t muscular or “manly”, he isn’t tan, and he definitely is not a lady’s man. No, he’s scronny, and weird, and has crooked teeth, and is pale, and isn’t a very good kisser, and all in all a complete dork…but he makes me laugh, and he makes me cry, he says the most perfect things, he knows how to make me weak in the knees with just one look, and even if he’s a bad kisser i would kiss him for hours if i could. He is everything to me…and i can’t even be with him…because the world keeps shoving us apart. He says he loves me back, but let’s face it. I love him and care for him more than he does with me and i know it too. We’ve known each other for 4 years and for 4 years we’ve never once said that we we’re over and meant it, or at least not for me. And even now when it’s quite clear it’s over…i don’t feel it. Why don’t i feel it? i shouldn’t love! i shouldn’t be in love! BUT I AM! and it makes me so upset, that every time i close my eyes, hes there, and every time someone asks me about my past, he’s there, and how every time i come across a guy who so different then he is and in another persons eyes “better” then he is, i feel that they could never add up to him. ever. my life is nothing without him in it….but he can never know…these feelings are dangerous. but some part of me wants him to know…but why? what will come of it? nothing. he should be nothing to me. And tomorrow morning i will feel like he is nothing to me, right until someone asks me about my past, or when i see a cute boy who’s into me, or when i just….close my eyes and go to sleep…he’ll come back. And i’ll fall in love all over again. This guy…is nothing like my dream guy. He’s so much better.